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How To Do Intimacy Even If You're Afraid (We All
Are)
By Rori Raye of Have the Relationship You
Want
It's possible that most of us have never known true intimacy from the
moment we came into the world.
We've been labeled, taught, cajoled and prodded, been threatened by all
forms of authority, told what's true and what isn't, and disrespected
for everything from our feelings to our thoughts.
Our relationships have been more about pleasing others than pleasing
ourselves.
More about struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we
think we want than discovering what it is we really want.
Sometimes we need someone else to tell us that it's okay to want what we
want.
Sometimes we only accidentally discover that the person we really are,
warts and all, underneath all the masks and games we've learned to put
between ourselves and others, is truly loveable.
It can change our lives forever, or remain a lost opportunity forever.
Someone sees us -- really sees us -- in a moment of accidental abandon
and their heart fills up with love for us.
We deny this possibility and push that someone away because we so don't
believe we are loveable.
Does this sound like you?
It's most all of us.
We can't, or won't get close enough to someone who may very well be our
soulmate because we've never done it.
We don't know how.
When I was an actor, I did not have access to my emotions.
I could pretend fairly well, and it got me far --I could laugh nearly
anytime, but I was completely detached from my anger and pain.
An actor friend told me -- "fake it til you make it."
Meaning, if I pounded the table hard enough and long enough with my
fist, I'd feel angry.
If I hit my hand with a hammer over and over again, I'd feel pain.
I'd probably cry.
I use some of this "fake it til you make it" philosophy in teaching
women how to express themselves.
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something can trigger the real
stuff.
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something you've always done in the
same situation will change the dynamic of your relationship forever.
Trust creeps in, in small ways.
Intimacy takes hold in the spaces between words.
Not speaking not from your heart leaves room for speaking from your
heart.
The next time you're tempted to tell your man what to do, even though
you know how to do it better than he does--stop yourself.
Stop talking.
See what happens.
So what do you do when you've stopped talking?
How do you communicate anything?
The simple answer is to use an "I feel" message.
This sounds easy.
In a book, it would sound easy.
But it's probably something you don't really have words for.
Starting with "I feel" is the perfect start, but what then?
Go with what's really there.
Feel the floor under your feet.
Feel the table in front of you.
Feel your heart beat, you're stomach gurgle, the tightness in your chest
that's there because you're mad, or upset, or frustrated, or giddy, and
you don't know what to say.
Feel the most concrete, real, simple thing you can, and say that.
Just saying, "I'm hungry" is better than "Let's go to that little
Italian place, okay?"
This is a game, you say.
No, it isn't.
It's the missing link.
The missing piece that we never learned as children.
We learned how to get along, how to influence others, how to look and do
good, but we never learned how to even make contact with what we really
feel, much less ever said it simply.
A woman who can say what she feels, simply, directly, passionately, with
energy and conviction or matter-of-factness will find her soulmate in
record time.
And there will be nothing to stop him from grabbing her and running with
it.
What Tom Cruise does publicly over Katie Holmes is not bad, or weird, or
bizarre.
It's the way men are supposed to behave when they're in love -- only
we've all forgotten.
We're all embarrassed.
We're all afraid of intimacy.
What would happen if we behaved as if we weren't?
Let me show you all the ways in which you can be happy and thrive in
your relationship.
The
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In her Have The Relationship You
Want
eBook, Rori Raye
teaches any woman the secret of how to quickly stop the pain and
frustration in her love life and get exactly the romance, affection,
attention and love she really wants (and deserves!).
Rori's Tools will help you attract a man instead of accidentally pushing
him away, no matter how uncertain things feel right now.
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